That's The Jingle Bell Rock ;)

Well Merry Christmas to all you bloggers out there. Can't believe it is already here. What I thought was going to be the worst Christmas ever....actually turned out to be the best ever. Still didn't see mom or dad but something better happened. The guy I have been dating, Chris, actually made my Christmas the best ever. He not only took me out and showed me a great time, but he got me a bunch of gifts and he spoiled me like always lol. My aunt also gave me a wonderful holiday. With her, I don't miss home. I feel at home here and that is how it should be. Everything in my life is finally getting better and things are getting easier as the days go by. The only thing that would have made this Christmas even better would be snow.....but this is Florida lol so not gonna happen. Well, going to get back to spending time with the family. Happy Holidays everyone!!

La la la whatever la la la it doesn't matter.....

Can't wait for tomorrow!!! Actually have a date....I feel like now is the good time to start dating again because the only thing I am worrying about is getting a job. I no longer have to worry about what my mom and dad are going to think or how is this person going to feel...because none of that really matters anymore. Really excited but kinda nervous too. I am actually going out with a guy I had dated for about a month in the past. But I broke up with him because I just had so much going on. But now that the timing is better, I thought, why not? Other than that, everything is pretty much the same around here. 4 days til Christmas....

Getting Stronger

It is less than a week til Christmas! Can't believe it. Well, not much has changed these past few days. Just been trying to find a job as quickly as possible. Publix is going to be hiring in January so really hope I can get one by then. If not, I will just keep looking I suppose. I have now been living here with my aunt for four months and still no job. Kinda feeling like a failure. I have been calling Publix, Target, McDonalds, Krystals, and just about every other fast food restaurant I can think of. I am seriously getting desperate. Since Christmas in so near, I keep having flashbacks....memories of when I was a kid. I remember waking my parents up outta bed, being so excited to get to my presents. I remember my brother and I would always open just one of our presents on Christmas Eve. Kind of our tradition. I remember being so happy and all of us feeling like one happy family. But all of those feelings are gone. Maybe its because I'm older....or maybe it is because so much has changed since then. Things aren't as easy anymore. Life has become so complicated. Christmas has gone from waking up my parents up at 2 a.m. just to get them up to hoping I get a phone call from my mom, at least. I know every family has their problems, but I just wish there was someone I could talk to that I can relate to and that has gone through some of the same things I have. Well, I guess thats it for now. Will post again in a few days.

How Many Times Can I Break Til I Shatter?

"It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever do not see things the way you do. And so you keep the wonderful memories but find yourself moving on." -Nicholas Sparks 


Nicholas Sparks is my favorite author ever. Not only because he knows how to write amazing love stories, but because all his quotes and life lessons that he includes in his books are all very true and I can easily relate to them. And this quote perfectly describes what I am going through. Once you get old enough to understand and make decisions for yourself such as what you want to wear, who you want to date, what religion you are, whether you want tattoos or not, there is always someone in your family or a friend who does not approve. So, you just have to keep the memories that you did have with them and just realize things change and just move on. And I will always keep the memories that I had with my parents. I remember little things. Like when I was starting kindergarten, every day on the way to school, my mom and I would count school buses together. And I remember always wanting to play 'I Spy' with my dad and how we would always wrestle and play around. I also remember fishing in the backyard with my brother, annoying the hell out of him all the time....but doing it out of love, of course. Hahah. I miss a lot of things I had with my mom....I miss singing in the car with her, telling her how hot a guy was that I saw at school, telling her how I am going to make her proud one day and be everything she wanted a daughter to be. Sometimes, I wish she would read this blog.....just to see how I feel and so she will know just how much I miss her and just how much I think about her. And dad...hell, I even miss dad's stupid speeches about life. I miss my brother hugging me and just messing up my hair. I miss my niece calling my name, wanting me to play dress up with her and her pulling my hair just to get a simple bow on it. I know things will never go back....that would be asking too much. I just want things to be better....yeah...better. That's all I want. And the days keep going by...Christmas is getting closer. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep through it all and be able to wake up and everything be okay and normal again. It's not all my parent's fault for the way things are though....I have made mistakes. I dated a guy behind their back because I thought the guy really loved me. But turned out he just wanted sex. I failed. I didn't make it to college. I didn't marry some wealthy guy. I didn't turn out with the kinda life they wanted me to have. I failed as a daughter and that's a hard thing to deal with. But this post is getting to long....so gotta go. Will post again later today. 

First Post Everrrr!

This is my first blog ever!! My aunt has one on decorating and I see her always posting new things on hers, so I just decided to create one. I always love writing and putting my thoughts down on paper so I thought that writing a blog just about my everyday life would fit me best. Im 19 years old. I just recently moved here back to Jacksonville, Florida with my aunt. Been here for a couple of months now. Before I moved here, I was living in Macclenny....a very small town with absolutely nothing to do and full of people who just talk and start drama. So its definitely been nice living here and everything is going great so far. The only thing left to do is find a job, which hasn't been so easy lately. Seems like no one is hiring. But I put in alot of applications, so I'm sure something will come up soon. Besides looking for a job, I just love meeting new people, hanging out with family and friends, and just having fun. Well, guess that's it for this first post. :)