Well, it has been almost a month since I last blogged. I guess it is because I have been so busy that blogging hasn't been so important lately. Other things have become more important. Every day just gets better and better. Gilly and I have been dating for almost two months now. Its sooo crazy that it has been that long already. It's amazing though. And I don't think I have ever been more in love in my life than I am right now. Things are perfect. I have pretty much forgotten all my problems. Its like with Gil, I just don't have any problems. But of course, the difficulties in life still exist. Still not talking to mom or any more of my family. Saw mom at the grocery store about a week ago while I was with Gil. We both looked at each other...but neither of us spoke to one another. And that was it. Other than that, nothing has changed. But I am finally ok with that. Mom's birthday is actually this month, on March 18th. Kinda wanna see her, but if not, that's cool too. I shouldn't have to go out of my way to make an effort into this relationship if she doesn't want it. I have only grown closer with Gil's family though. I think his whole family sees us staying together for a very long time. And Gil and I have been spending pretty much every day together. I now go to Baker every single weekend with him. I used to go so that I would somehow feel closer to mom or so that Id somehow see her. Now, I go because I look forward to spending time with the Ravans. Like I said, I don't dwell on my problems as much anymore. Yes, they are still there but I just don't care as much. This week is going to be awesome. Going to see Gil on Wednesday, hopefully go to the beach sometime this week, and we are going to help my aunt paint this weekend. And I can not wait til May!! Hopefully going to Louisiana with Gil and his parents for a week. Can't wait!!! Well, guess that's all that's new right now. Will blog again soon.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Well my title pretty much says it all. Today is the day before Valentine's Day. Pretty excited about tomorrow. Going to spend the day with Gil of course. We are going to go see The Vow, which I have been dying to see for months now. (Just finished the book today and the movie will hopefully be just as amazing!!!) And get some dinner. And on Thursday, the 16th, will be exactly one month for us. It doesn't seem like it's been that long but the time has just flown by. Still job looking and getting absolutely nowhere. Really sick of this. A job is not too much to ask in my opinion. The interview I had with Gil's aunt went well but there were a few people ahead of me and they hired someone else instead of me. I'm tired of being below everyone else in this house. My aunt and uncle work and my cousin goes to school. And Gil is in college right now and Im not even doing that. I'm always at the bottom while everyone else is above me. And that's pretty much the worst feeling ever. And trying to stay positive about this whole thing is not easy. Still hoping something will change though. Hoping tomorrow will help take my mind off things. Been thinking of my family alot more too. My brother's birthday is this Friday. And I will not be able to see him. And my mother's birthday is next month. I hate it when these kinda things come up and I can not be there because I know that I am no longer welcome in my own family. Guess that's about it. Will blog again soon.....
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Hello bloggers! Haven't posted in a while now. Gotten kinda lazy with it but Gil is always asking me to post....dont know why. I guess he just likes to know what Im thinking. Well, yesterday made two weeks for Gilly and I. Can't believe we have already been dating that long. But its awesome. Hanging out with him tomorrow. Going to see about a job with his aunt actually! It would be full time and it pays good so I really hope I get it. Going to give them my resume and see what happens. If I get this job, and if Gil finds a job soon, we hope to save up so that we can move in together. That would be amazing. Yeah its a big step to only be dating two weeks but I have known Gil for six months so it's not weird at all and seems right. And we feel like we are both ready for it. So that's our goal that we set for ourselves. Just hope we can make it happen and soon. I know he wants to move out of his apartment with his roommates and I love living here with my aunt, but I do want some independence and to learn to do things on my own and moving out of here is the best way to do it. I have never really moved in with a guy, just him and I so it will be new for me. For both of us. But I feel as if it will just make our relationship stronger and it will grow even more. We have already been looking into apartments and how much things will cost so we are definitely serious about all of this. So that is what's new with us. And I got a phone call yesterday....from my mother. I never gave her my new number and neither did my aunt so I have no idea how she got it. She wouldn't tell me either. But anyway, she called and didn't really have much to say. She just kept asking me what I was doing, why I was dating Gil, do I have a job, blah, blah, blah. I just don't get it. How can she just disappear out of my life and then just randomly call me and start playing 20 questions?? So I just pretty much told her I'm doing okay but I just can't answer her questions because they are really none of her business. And I think she is still disappointed that I broke up with Chris, whom she thought was the perfect guy for me and all. Mostly because she knew him before I did and because he had money. But I just didn't see anything between us, and that upsets her I suppose. She asked me on the phone why I was dating someone that isn't my type and Chris was so different and all that. And I realized something at that point....the reason my mom liked Chris was because she liked him for her reasons only. She doesn't like who I am dating now because she doesn't know him and she knows she can't control the relationship. And so what Gil doesn't have money like Chris did? I don't have a job either and I am NOT going to date some guy just for his money. That is stupid. I would never use someone like that. I am over Chris and want nothing more to do with him but I feel like my mom still pressures it on me. But anyway, the conversation between us got nowhere as usual. And apart of me just wanted to hang up the phone on her, but another part of me wanted to still talk to her even when the conversation ended because I really do miss her. But I feel as if she really and truly missed me she wouldn't have argued on the phone. She wouldve said she missed me and maybe apologized or invite me to dinner or something where we could talk things out. But mom doesnt do that. But whether my mom likes it or not, I am finally getting happy again and she's not gonna mess that up. I do have the perfect guy that loves me for who I am and takes care of me and who I see a future with. And I am living my life to please myself, not others. And as soon as I get that job and get my life started, I am going to move in with Gil, because that is what I want. And that's all that matters.
Monday, January 23, 2012
So today makes exactly one week for me and Gilly!! Yeah, only a week I know but still. Its important lol. Had fun hanging with him this weekend in Macclenny...turns out I went to see mom Saturday evening to pick up something. Gil took me and all mom and I did was argue and disagree as usual. Apparently, theres still some "changes" I have to make. Which I really dont know what those would be...there is nothing I need to change. I told her I am not going to change myself and my personality and the way I think and feel just to please her and the rest of the family. She really didn't like that comment but whatever. I am getting to where I do not care anymore. Things will never change between us. But anyway, I see Gil Wednesday. Hes gonna help me file my taxes online. Yay. Hopefully I get some money back!!! Could really use it right now. Well, anyway thats all thats new. Fixing to go eat dinner so Im out bloggers. Toodles.
By the way, I called this post Hot Cheetos because I am craving hot cheetos. :)
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Well just got home a little while ago from hanging out with Gilly. I love him so much. We just kinda hung out at his apartment. Chilled and watched movies. Its cool that I can do those simple things with him and it be great each and every time. We don't have to always go somewhere or go out to dinner or anything like that. It can be simple and still awesome. I guess that is what I like most about our relationship so far. Which by the way, we have almost been dating a week lol. Oh! And on the way home, we stopped by his Nana's work and I got to meet her for the first time! I have chatted with her on Facebook before but meeting her in person was even better. I love meeting Gilly's family. I feel like I have a really good connection with all of them and they make me feel like I have a family again, something I didn't think could even be possible. And going bowling with him and his family tomorrow night. Gonna spend the night in Macclenny and will be back sometime tomorrow. Too excited. Everything is perfect. Well later bloggers. :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse. It perfectly describes how today went. Today was just amazing. G and I had our first date day today. It was awesome. We went to the movies, got lunch, went to the mall, and just hung out. I must say, I am completely in love with him. I think I was all along, it just took me a while to realize it. And now that I have realized it, I couldn't be happier and I feel like the luckiest girl ever. Gil has been there for me through everything. He has heard every problem I have had, whether it was family drama, a break up, a new guy I was crushing on, whatever if it was, he was there for me as my best friend and now he is there for even more than that. And it all feels so natural. Like, holding his hand and showing him off to people, and everyone knowing we are a couple, it feels perfect. G told his family and friends about him and I and it seems like everyone is happy for us and thinks its about time we got together lol. I am seriously just happy. And that is all I have ever wanted. G gives me all I ever wanted in a relationship.Well bloggers, its late and I am so tired. Probably gonna log off and get some sleep here in a little bit. Toodles. :)
Monday, January 16, 2012
The title pretty much says it all. Today has seriously been the best day ever. "G" and I hung out. He had just gotten back from being in SC and I really wanted to see him. So I told him how things didn't work out with my boyfriend and how things were going. Then...idk...things just happened. I have always loved G, I have been in love with him for the longest time but it never seemed like the right time to date him and then I got into a relationship with another guy and G and I just stayed friends ever since. But not anymore. Nope. We are now and finally a couple. And it honestly feels amazing. This is the first relationship I have actually been sure about since I was engaged in the past...and thats pretty big to me. I have never been so sure that I can see myself being with G for a long time...possibly the rest of my life with him. I can't believe I am saying all this but even as I am typing, I have a huge smile on my face. Things are going great and couldn't be better. :)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Another long day. Just spent the day with my aunt. Also got a text from Chris saying I left my shoes in his car so he came by to drop them off....and along with that, he brought me a card and flowers.....the card pretty much was an apology and he wants me to take him back and work things out. Which I am really not interested in. The fact that he brought me flowers made me feel so guilty but I can't date someone again just because I am sad for the way they feel..like I said in the last post, gotta put myself first before others...even if it hurts. But I think besides that, everything seems ok. Just been resting up since I was sick the past few days but feeling so much better, thank God. Well getting off here to go eat dinner. Later bloggers....
Oh and by the way, really excited about Tuesday....hanging with my bestest friend which will really help me take my mind off things :)
Oh and by the way, really excited about Tuesday....hanging with my bestest friend which will really help me take my mind off things :)
Well, went to Disney World with Chris as planned yesterday. But came home a little earlier than expected. We were supposed to stay all weekend and come home Sunday night. But I had him take me home Saturday night instead. Something unexpected happened (long story) and he didn't stand up for me and at that moment I knew this is not the kinda relationship I need. So he took me home and I broke things off. Normally, I would care about someone's feelings more than my own but its about time I care about my own feelings. And something I have learned from this is that love and happiness are two entirely different things. You can love someone so much but still not be happy in a relationship with them. And once you do love a guy and are 100% happy, then and only then, are you in a real relationship that will actually get somewhere. I know that I truly loved Chris but it obviously was not meant to be. So I am a single lady once again...but it's a relief in a way because I can have a new start again. I have my friends and family to help me and be there for me and thats all I really need right now. And I am kinda glad I came home early. Feels good to be home with the ones you love. Guess Dorothy was right, there is no place like home.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Ok, I usually don't care for Kelly Pickler, at all lol but she has this one song called "I Wonder" and I love it because I can really relate to it. It's about her having a hard time building a relationship with her mother. And, of course, that is exactly what I am going through. I remember reading this quote not too long ago that said missing someone isn't about how long it has been since you've seen them or the amount of time since you've talked. It's about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side. I don't miss mom all the time. I just wish she could be here at times when something really important happens in my life. Sometimes I slip up and accidently call my aunt my mom. Not because she is a great motherly figure, but I think it is just because I just miss calling someone "mom". Weird to miss something like that but I do. But anyway, Chris and I ended up not going to Disney World last weekend because he had to stay out of town another week. Sooo that means we are supposed to be going this weekend. Yay!!! Pretty excited about spending time with him. Spending Saturday at Disney and probably going to hit up the malls in Orlando on Sunday. Can't believe we have been dating for about a month now. Time has been going by way to fast lately. Still getting used to a long distance type relationship, but other than that, everything is going great. Well, guess that's about it. Been feeling kinda sick today so going to go chill out. Later bloggers!!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Everything seems to be going pretty well. My cousin is here for the week and I am really feeling like this is home and this is my family. If someone would have told me things would be this great a few months ago, I would have laughed at them in the face. I would have never believed things could be this good. Had a great New Years. Spent it with my boyfriend, Chris. We spent alll day at the St. Johns Town Center. And we even picked out a promise ring which was pretty awesome. Then saw a movie. Then we went down to the landing...which was full of nothing but drunk people lol but it was still fun. It was definitely a great night out. Even called mom up and told her me and Chris got a promise ring. She seemed happy about it and we talk a little more than we used to. Still miss her like crazy though. I still hold a lot of memories that her and I had. But that's all they are now is memories. And either this weekend or next weekend, depending on when Chris gets home from working out of town, we are going to Disney World together! Which is amazing because I haven't been since I was a kid and I would love to go again. And it will be the small vacation I think I've been needing. Will post pics of course. I feel like this is a new year but also a new start for me. And so far, it's off to an amazing start. I just want it to stay that way. I didn't have any resolutions either. Except to just be happy. That's all I need right now. Nothing else matters. Well, guess thats really all thats new. Later bloggers.